Environmentally Friendly Akatsuki
by Crimson Cupcake
Summary: Even the worst criminals in the Naruto universe can care about the environment. What will happen when nearly everyone gets involved? Oneshot. Manga spoilers. -SEQUEL IS UP TEH BETS OF D00M -


I have made a new story! I'm so proud of myself Lol jk...anyway...Its a Oneshot :

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto, or the Akatsuki, or the phrase 'Art is a bang'. The first two are property of Masashi Kishimoto and the last one is the phrase of Taro Okamato (sp?)

**Warning: **Serious crack. And Mange spoilers about...I should not tell here...You have been warned. Oh, and both Tobi and Sasori will be in here because...THEY ARE CRUCIAL TO THE PLOT! No...its because I like them both

--

The television buzzed, sharing its evil rays around the hideout. Zetsu was fast asleep on the couch, dreaming about someone mistaking him for a tree and trying to cut him down. "No saw...I'm not a tree...don't cut me down!" Zetsu woke with a jolt and stared around widely, before dismissing it as a 'bad' dream, not yet a nightmare. A nightmare was when he really _was _cut down.

The TV was still buzzing, the reporter saying something about destroying a vast forest. Zetsu became, if possible, even more wide-eyed, and glued his eyes to the TV.

"_A vast section of the Konoha rainforest has been cut down for timber and paper. One tree in particular was especially stubborn, and refused to budge. Fortunately, we have managed to terminate the tree."_

"Oh my God!" Zetsu yelped, seeing the picture in the news and clinging on to Kisame, who had been placed there by the authoress. "That's my uncle Bob!"

"JASHIN!" Came an angry yell from a room somewhere far away.

"Oh my _Jashin,"_ Zetsu snapped, correcting himself.

Kisame looked up from his newspaper the authoress had placed there as well, just in time to see the TV move on to whaling and fishing.

"_Afew ships have been set out this morning to the Land of Waves. We had been experiencing a major decrease in fish here, and so must rely on other countries to spear the many fish we need."_

"Oh my God!" Kisame yelped, clinging onto Zetsu as well.

"JASHIN!" The yell was louder and somewhat angrier.

"Oh my _Jashin!"_ Kisame corrected, jumping away from Zetsu and storming out of the room, intent on seeing Leader-sama for this treachery. Zetsu followed behind, just as furious.

...

The Leader in question was sitting at a desk, surrounded by various paperwork, most of them bounties for the missions the Akatsuki had done.

"Leader! You need to stop this at once!" Kisame and Zetsu roared, charging into the room in unison and knocking down the door and half the wall in the process.

Pein sighed, lifting his head from the paper he was pouring over, which was, ironically, 'Tips on Fishing'. He was planning what to do in his spare holiday time. "What is it now? No, Itachi will not paint your fingernails for you, Kisame. And no, Zetsu, I will not let you eat any more of my members. You've already ate Squiggles." With that, he pointed to the remains of a once large rat on the floor in the emo corner of the room.

"It's not that," Kisame and Zetsu both replied angrily, in unsion once more.

"You need to stop them cutting down trees," Zetsu continued.

"You need to stop them from fishing," Kisame growled, both at the same time _again_ so that it sounded like 'You need to stop them cutrom fishown trees."

Pein sighed. It had been a long day and he didn't want these idiots running in and ruining it. "You're supposed to be S-class badass criminals!" he explained carefully. "You're not supposed to care about the environment. Hell, you're supposed to destroy it if you can!"

"Destroy what?" Unnoticed, Konan had come in, hair a little wet to show she just had a shower.

"N...n...nothing d...dear," Pein stuttered, eyes flickering discreetly between Konan and the door.

"Don't act as if you don't know," Konan snapped. "I think they should think about recycling more!"

"But...but...but..."

"Tobi thinks Konan-sama's right," smiled a bright voice, crashing down the other half of the now non-existent wall. "I think we should lead a campaign about animal rights!"

Pein's hand smacked itself onto his forehead faster than you could say no.

"We talked about that before, Tobi. No, we cannot turn ourselves into a zoo, and no, we are not going to rescue all animals and take them here!" He thundered.

Much to almost everyone's confusion, Tobi didn't break down and start to cry. No. Instead, he rose up high, with shadows surrounding him, and with the 'Gay' song playing in the backgro-

Wait...that was wrong.

"No gay songs allowed in the Hideout, Hidan!"

A stream of cursing followed that, and the 'Gay' song was successfully cut off.

Well, anyway, let's continue.

Instead, Tobi rose up high, with shadows surrounding him, and with evil music playing in the background. In fact, Pein doubted anyone could look any more intimidating. Then, with a flash, the orange mask that was always there slipped off, as did the pretence.

"As the true leader of Akatsuki, I am making this our first and most important priority!" Madara's eyes narrowed. "Our second, of course, is taking over the world, but animals come first.

"Y...yes sir!" Pein snapped to attention, leaving a very confused Kisame and Zetsu, with Konan understanding half the situation.

"I KNEW IT!" Came a jubilant yell from somewhere outside the room, which was now missing a wall. Itachi came skidding in, Sharingan activated and pointing a discriminating finger towards Madara. "I knew he was Uchiha Madara after all!" All Tobi-is-Madara fans jumped for joy!

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!" Another loud and much less happy yell came from a certain someone's study. A redheaded puppet skidded into the room in the exactly same fashion as Itachi. "I bet 10 dollars he was Uchiha Obito!" Sasori sighed. All Tobi-is-Obito fans sighed with him.

In another flash of lightning, Madara replaced his mask again, once more the loud and innocent boy he had pretended to be. "But...Tobi still thinks animals should be protected!" It was like he had changed to a completely different person.

"Yes, for once I agree with Mada- I mean Tobi," Itachi said, looking suspiciously like he was high on sherbet. "Weasels should be protected! And cared for, and...and..." But he couldn't think of any more to say.

"**Trees don't have to be chopped down either," **Zetsu's black side added.

"Oh hell no." This time it was Sasori. "Trees _do _need to chop down for wood to make my precious puppets," he added, summoning Hiruko as evidence. "I think Deidara's clay bombs should be stopped. They cause too much green house gas!"

"I heard that, Danna, un," Came another shout from down the hall. Deidara lost control of his clay bird, and crashed into the office's back window, making the whole window shatter.

Pein sighed. His office was getting very crowded indeed. Not that the office looked like an office any more. The front door and wall had been completely torn off, and the back window was shattered. "Guys...we're S ranked criminals, we're not supposed to care about environmental issues." But nobody was paying any attention to him anymore.

"I need explosions to make my art un, just like you need wood to make puppets un!" Deidara protested hotly.

"You call that art? Art is eternal, not fleeting like the horrible explosions you make. The smoke destroys the ozone layer," Sasori shot back.

"That's where you're wrong, Sasori!" echoed another voice. "You need to make money in factories, and the smoke comes out of money making." Kakuzu walked in, tentacles sliding towards the puppeteer threateningly.

"What...?" Sasori shrieked, about to mutter an angry reply but...

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNCCCCEEEEEE!!"

The arguing stopped immediately and the Akatsuki turned to their fake leader.

"Thank you." Pein coughed. "Now, you are all S-classed criminals. You belong in an S-classed criminal organization called Akatsuki, which many fangirls would give almost anything to join."

"Including money?" Kakuzu asked hopefully.

"Shut up. S-classed criminals do not care about the environment. Now, you will get back to your jobs immediately. Tobi, you're watching the TV. Zetsu, water the plants. Itachi, laundry. Kisame, check the air conditioning. Sasori, make battle weapons. Deidara, make clay sculptures, but make sure they _do not explode._ Kakuzu, count exactly how much money our organization has right now. We'll need it for later. Konan, go back to do whatever you were doing. All dismissed!"

Everyone left, one by one, grudgingly.

"Why does Tobi get the TV un?"Deidara complained, apparently missing the Madara part.

"I get 10 dollars!" Itachi hissed joyfully, stretching his hand out innocently towards Sasori.

Sighing, Sasori handed over the ten dollars. "I bet 20 bucks Deidara's going to die on the next mission."

"I bet 20 he survives," Itachi whispered back, making a mental note to help Deidara on his and Sasori's next mission.

"You're on!"

--

Done! Please R&R, it give people confidence ;). Oh, and if anyone would like me to make a sequal about Itachi and Sasori's bet, please tell me in any way you could possibly think of (although if I were you I'd put it in the review )

The sequel is up! Teh Bet of D00m! Mwahahahaha...okay...just go to my profile and blaa blaa blaa and you'll find it


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